sweet as a eucalyptus, terrible as a tempest
it is so difficult to say goodbye to the people who have been good to you. the kindly new boss. the favorite director. i had to endure looking like an idiot because i couldn't help breaking down (not bawling, just tearing up) in front of them.
and crying, that is not something i do. in general, i mean. i did that once when a month-long dream ended. and i looked like an idiot in front of 30 ex-strangers and one busybody immigration officer. my reason then was that the month-long dream was ending. and i had to return to reality. not because i was never seeing the 30 ex-strangers again. well. maybe partly.
i ramble.
of course, they don't know that i'm really crying not because i'm sad that i'm leaving, but because of my real reason for going, which is something they don't need to know.
i would not be crying had there been no hitches and things just ran their natural course. i cry because when they ask me the why's and the where's i can't tell them the real reason. and it is very painful to hide the truth to the people who have been very good to you.
see, i am not anymore the ciao, see you when i see you kind of person. though i have never been the farewell, good riddance kind either.
what happens to you know little lost girl?
